Still finding faith in the same battle-7 years later

I started this blog decades ago (!) when we were first headed to Africa with our 2 young children. I anticipated adventures that I would enjoy sharing, and indeed we had all sorts of adventures! We spent 3.5 years in Lilongwe and added 2 kids to our crew. Then we all spent another 5 years in Nairobi, Kenya where we had more adventures--both the good and the hard kind. Our beautiful, adventurous young teen Anya was living her best life there. Our tender reed of a son, Ethan, was not. The demands of school and the loss of friend after friend to mission-life transition almost broke him. Silly little 1st grade Isaac and salty but loving pre-school Omara just went with the flow. And we made the heart-breaking decision to take a leave-of-absence from Kenya.

That leave-of-absence turned into resignation as it became clearer that God was directing us to stay in the US to support Ethan. Let me be clear--it was one of the most painful things we have ever done. You can read more about it here and here if you want. It felt like we were key players on a winning team, and suddenly Coach decided to bench us. Travis Kelce knows how that feels, if I recall. To our credit, we didn't scream in God's face or push Him, but we sure didn't understand the decision!

We took a job in Central Ohio where Chad was lead pastor of Crossing Community Church. They welcomed us and loved us and were all around wonderful. But I stopped blogging-- life didn't seem nearly as interesting, and I wasn't used to living among people who were reading my words, and it suddenly started to feel too vulnerable. Too easily misunderstood. And I struggled at first to be happy to be here, and that was difficult to communicate.

Days in Ohio could feel long, but the years flew. Somehow our beautiful Anya turned into an equally beautiful adult, met a wonderful man, and got married. His name is Everett, and he is exactly the godly young man we prayed for since she was born. In fact, he was our younger kids' youth pastor before he even met Anya, so he has a love for our family and a vested interest in Ethan deeper than I would have dared ask for. They are on staff at a church in Waverly, Ohio and Anya is almost done with her HS Math teaching degree. 

Ethan, our bruised reed, gradually got stronger, started sleeping better and smiling again, discovered a trade school, and graduated from high school with a welding certificate. There were more than a few days in the past several years where I reassured with my mouth but doubted in my heart that he would ever be able to "adult." We got him a class ring that says, "My story, His glory" because God is the only one who could have brought him from where he was to where he is now. 

Silly Isaac became a tall teen who mostly grunts but is still hysterical when he decides to speak. They tell me he's remarkably good at video games--like in the top some percentage of Fortnite players in the world, but to be honest I don't exactly know what that means. I just know that we really like this kid! He wants to be a vet, and he has every ability to do just that.

Salty little Omara is a short teen; she still gives the most dramatic eye rolls and the best hugs. One day I'm going to make her give me a make-up tutorial since she's a master and I still don't have a clue what I'm doing with eye shadow. She loves little kids and drawing, and wants to be a teacher too. 

Chad and I have not been immune to the changes, either. I went from 20/20 vision to bifocals in one year and what I lack in gray hair I have made up for in extra mid-life 'fluff' which was an unwelcome

addition, but I'm losing the battle. As in--who's got time to do anything about it? Chad has some distinguished white in his beard and reading glasses, but he's done a much better fighting the middle-age spread with 6am trips to the gym. Which means he's basically insane but stronger than ever and I hate him as much as I adore him! 

It's been 7 years. We led Crossing Community and then merged churches to become Guide Church. We gained a bonus daughter, Paulina, and launched her off to college in Oregon where my amazing family promptly adopted her in our place. We fostered 7 long-term kids and experienced every sort of secondary trauma with them; metabolic strokes with comas in the ICU, sibling funerals, aging out of foster care, reuniting with parents well and reuniting with parents poorly, ankle monitors, Kia gangs and felony gun possessions, truancy, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, court dates and endless meetings and tears and the most amazing opportunity to show unconditional love to kids who have known nothing like it. It clearly took its toll on me--don't mind my wild eyes- just smile-and-wave if you see me talking to myself!

 I wouldn't change a single minute of these last 7 years, even as I continued to grieve what could have been had we still been living our other life. That's the worst part about being human, limited to one place and time--every opportunity God gives us means the other possibilities aren't for us to live. And I so want to live it all!

But here we are- 7 years older, at least a little bit wiser, and God has again brought us to a point where life's path branches. I celebrate and grieve all over again, because we have to choose one place or another: this life or that, but not both. One adventure ends even as another one beckons. But we committed early on to follow God's leading, and God has spoken clearly.  This time His call is for us to close the chapter of Ohio and move back to Nairobi, Kenya in the full circle irony that God is so good at.

Stay tuned to hear more about how this all came about, because it's worth a page of its own to do justice to God's story in our lives. But for now, please pray for Chad and me as we sort and pack and sort and clean and sort to pack some more. Pray for Isaac; he doesn't remember much of Kenya, and we think his grunts mean he's a little nervous about uprooting. Or maybe they're excitement? --My 'teenage boy' is a little rusty since I've started studying Swahili on Duo Lingo. Pray for Omara; she has high hopes for new best friends but it's still hard to leave current ones. We say 'see ya' later' to Ohio in just a few weeks, will be in Virginia for orientation, and then will be back in Nairobi by the end of May. 

7 years ago Coach pulled us out of the 'game' in Nairobi, and it was painful. But God showed us how the same 'game' is going on here too. That's the lesson that seems obvious now, but we forgot it in our love of missions--the 'game' is going on all over this great big world. And our job is to play our hearts out on whichever field He's put us. Columbus? Nairobi? Tulsa? Kathmandu? It's all the same 'game', and it all needs workers, and it all requires throwing off the same sins that so easily entangle and running with endurance. So God never benched us- He just moved us to a new team, as is His jurisdiction as Head Coach, and now He's moving us back. We are just honored and humbled to be on the team, (and tbh, getting to 'play' again in the perpetual sunshine of Nairobi isn't a bad gig!!!) 

How about you? What field has God placed you on, and are you playing your hardest, or are you sitting in the stands eating hotdogs? There's a 'game' going on, and we already know who wins in the end. And the payout is so much more than a $200,000 bonus and some oversized bling. If you're not pulling your weight on the team, put down the snacks and ask Coach what role He wants you to play!