Finding Faith in the Battle

I read this great book--I've recommended it before, but if you didn't listen the first time... Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. She makes a great point of Philippians 4:11, when Paul writes, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances..." Learned.  Not "I am especially and miraculously gifted." Learned. Like the grueling work my 9-year old dreads when facing the times tables. Learned with practice and more practice and then some more practice. Learned and then forgotten and then relearned. And there-in lies the rub. Because not everything is like riding a bicycle. I find contentment more like 7x8--that elusive thing you've learned so many times before but in the heat of the timed-math-test, it seems as unfamiliar as if you've never seen it before. Contentment. I haven't written for the past month. Why, you ask?? Many reasons, but perhaps because I was stuck in traffic where the 2 lane road became 4 lanes with no warning, an...

I've concluded that a 35 hour trip with 4 kids really is epic, and in a perfect world, should not be a routine part of life. I kept reminding myself that we won't have to do it again for 3 1/2 years, at which time our youngest will be nearing age 7. But... we survived in relatively good shape. There are no photos, however, because relative good shape does not need documentation...because relative is still relative!!! Incredible friends, David and Jeweliann Norrie, saved us by insisting on driving us to the airport at 3:30 am in the Highland Baptist Church bus when it became apparent that the "free airport shuttle" from our hotel would not be able to handle our 16 trunks, 10 carry-ons, 2 car seats, and 1 stroller (odd, don't you think???). They also sat with your comatose kiddos while we checked in. Only 1 bag was overweight, by 1lb, and we had a very reasonable woman who didn't make us cut the zip-tie to rearrange weight! And then she confessed the flight w...

We are here at the hotel in Portland, ready to fly out at day-break tomorrow. We've said good-bye to our family and friends one more time, and though our hearts are raw, we have survived. We check in tomorrow at 3:30am, and 31 hours later, we'll land in Nairobi, bedraggled and exhausted and very likely grumpy, but alive (we hope). So now, all that is left to do is to say good-bye to those who are neither family nor friend, but who have blessed us nonetheless. 1. Good-bye, dear American drivers. I shall miss your polite manners on the road and the way you always stop at 4-way intersections. You have no idea how you have warmed my heart! 2. Good-bye, oh makers of saran wrap where the metal teeth are sharp enough to actually cut the wrap without turning it into a mangled ball of useless plastic! Cooking with you was a joy. 3. Good-bye, Kroger and Fred Myers and Food4Less. It never ceases to amaze me that you have unexpired milk on the shelf every single time  I've nee...

I was wasting time on the computer while my 3-year old is lying on the floor sobbing because she only wants "Daaaaaaadddy" who is unavailable because he's dropping the other kids off at school. Why I can't make her cocoa makes sense only in her 3-year old mind. But back to the computer... I ran across an old post of mine with the same title, only from the other side of our Stateside! 2 weeks before we left Kenya, 'kind of freaking out'. Which is ironic, really, because it's 2 weeks before we leave the US for Kenya, and I'm back to kind of freaking out! Which suggests that perhaps I spend too much time freaking out!!! But as I was sorting everything we own between 4 piles (pack for Kenya, pack for storage, hand-me-down to cousins, and Goodwill) and reducing my closet down to a pitiful array of a few shirts and a lot of empty hangers, I had a sudden realization...this is HARD!!!!!! I've spent a lot of time focusing on and remembering that this...

I posted today on Facebook the lyrics to one of my favorite old hymns: "it is well, it is well with my soul" and it's the truth. Deep down, in the core of my soul, I know that it is well. That dad is whole, and that I am going to be OK. That life is short and precious, and that it keeps on going. But before you think I'm either lying, or sub-human, or both, let me admit that there's another layer, one not so deep. It's actually quite shallow, this one. And it is sad--which is to be expected, right? But wait. Even more than sad, it is irritable and distracted. It resents the fact that life has to keep on going, particularly when that life involves hungry children and dirty laundry. It sits down to respond to sweet e-mails and can't bring itself to reply a single word of thanks. Not for lack of time, but lack of energy. I have waves of feeling angry at Dad for leaving us so early, so that no more good memories can be made. And then old memories wash ove...

Last weekend we made a road-trip, and it was hard to find a radio station that played something other than country music. I told Chad he could deal with the Top 15 Countdown, but the very first song that played was,  If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away  by Justin Moore. "Yeah, and losing them wouldn't be so hard to take, If heaven wasn't so far away"   We were both in tears within seconds, with the kids bewildered, so I changed the station. Why do they have to make their songs so stinkin' sad??? Fast forward to this morning. I had a dentist appointment for 2 fillings. Not the ideal way to start the day, but I've had far too much experience in the dentist chair, so I took it in stride. I had 30 minutes to spare after dropping Anya off for school, so I went in for coffee. And thanks to my new iPhone, I had access to a Bible with the swipe of a button. I sat, anonymously, in a new coffee shop and had a devotional time. Which led to prayer. Which...

When we told people in Kenya we would be in the US for almost 7 months, they said, "Such a long time." When we gave the same dates to people here, they lamented, "Such a short time." We have had moments of feeling it both ways in the months we've been back, but no matter, the hour-glass is almost exactly half-empty now. And so, I thought it was past time to share some observations about the best and the worst parts of life in America, from someone who is experiencing them afresh! The BEST: 1. Butter in sticks, with Tbsp divisions labeled. Pure brilliance. It's way better even than sliced bread--I'd cut my own bread any day over trying to mash butter into a measuring spoon, and then have to clean them out again! 2. Exercise that isn't life-threatening. I'm in Central Oregon, jogging on paved roads with minimal to no traffic, taking in the mountain views with every step. In Nairobi, jogging is really more like a death-defying game of ...