Finding Faith in the Battle

I posted today on Facebook the lyrics to one of my favorite old hymns: "it is well, it is well with my soul" and it's the truth. Deep down, in the core of my soul, I know that it is well. That dad is whole, and that I am going to be OK. That life is short and precious, and that it keeps on going. But before you think I'm either lying, or sub-human, or both, let me admit that there's another layer, one not so deep. It's actually quite shallow, this one. And it is sad--which is to be expected, right? But wait. Even more than sad, it is irritable and distracted. It resents the fact that life has to keep on going, particularly when that life involves hungry children and dirty laundry. It sits down to respond to sweet e-mails and can't bring itself to reply a single word of thanks. Not for lack of time, but lack of energy. I have waves of feeling angry at Dad for leaving us so early, so that no more good memories can be made. And then old memories wash ove...

Last weekend we made a road-trip, and it was hard to find a radio station that played something other than country music. I told Chad he could deal with the Top 15 Countdown, but the very first song that played was,  If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away  by Justin Moore. "Yeah, and losing them wouldn't be so hard to take, If heaven wasn't so far away"   We were both in tears within seconds, with the kids bewildered, so I changed the station. Why do they have to make their songs so stinkin' sad??? Fast forward to this morning. I had a dentist appointment for 2 fillings. Not the ideal way to start the day, but I've had far too much experience in the dentist chair, so I took it in stride. I had 30 minutes to spare after dropping Anya off for school, so I went in for coffee. And thanks to my new iPhone, I had access to a Bible with the swipe of a button. I sat, anonymously, in a new coffee shop and had a devotional time. Which led to prayer. Which...

When we told people in Kenya we would be in the US for almost 7 months, they said, "Such a long time." When we gave the same dates to people here, they lamented, "Such a short time." We have had moments of feeling it both ways in the months we've been back, but no matter, the hour-glass is almost exactly half-empty now. And so, I thought it was past time to share some observations about the best and the worst parts of life in America, from someone who is experiencing them afresh! The BEST: 1. Butter in sticks, with Tbsp divisions labeled. Pure brilliance. It's way better even than sliced bread--I'd cut my own bread any day over trying to mash butter into a measuring spoon, and then have to clean them out again! 2. Exercise that isn't life-threatening. I'm in Central Oregon, jogging on paved roads with minimal to no traffic, taking in the mountain views with every step. In Nairobi, jogging is really more like a death-defying game of ...

We haven't celebrated Labor Day in years, at least not in September. International Labor Day is in May. But we've learned in our time in Africa...the best way to fit in is to "do as the Romans do," so we celebrated this Labor Day in style! As in, a 5 bedroom mansion in the wooded resort town of Sun River, Oregon, beside the river, complete with hot tub, bike paths, and access to a water park. We ourselves did not splurge on such a holiday; my parents treated us and my two brothers' families, called it our early inheritance. It was a lovely way to spend some inheritance...together! New additions Geneva, 6 months, (affectionately called 'my Neva' by Omara) and Bennett, 4 months, were a joy to be around, and our 4 rascals were incredibly well-behaved. Of course, it helped to have 8 adults around riding bikes, playing games, and generally making each of them feel like the most important person ever! The older kids all went on an 8-mile ride, we saw deer a-ple...

Man has it been a whirlwind, this past month! At the end of June we flew to Richmond, VA to visit with Chad's parents and to attend a debriefing conference. What a gift to be able to meet with hundreds of others who know exactly what it's like to serve overseas, to count the cost and to miss things in your 'other home' at any given time! It was encouraging and inspiring, and a good opportunity to cry with new friends about my dad's cancer diagnosis. Very healing and reaffirming. Here's the song that we sang during our meetings; it's become my new battle cry!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk_HBla7C28 As soon as that was over, I flew to Dubai for a meeting. It was an amazing experience to travel without children--so easy! My team-mate Lynsi and I kept busy, since it was a working-conference for us, but it was good to meet everyone. Plus, we fit in a little bit of fun! Here is a photo of the two of us with the tallest building in the world. When I got h...

We had mixed feelings coming into this State-side Assignment. Part of us just wanted to stay put--the thought of transition and uprooting the kids, even for the sake of seeing family and friends again, seemed inordinately painful. But the other part knew we were tired, knew we needed a bit of a break from the stress of living overseas in a foreign culture. So we packed our bags and we psyched the kids up for a grueling 36-hour trip to the Pacific Northwest via London and then Dallas. And our first 3 days, with my parents on their small 15-acre farm in the middle of the Willamette Valley, were everything we hoped they would be. Fresh berries and ice cream, hot tubs, slow mornings on the porch with coffee, not to mention showers with good water pressure, no power outages, and drinking sweet water from the tap! Then came day 4. Dad went in for an Endoscopy due to abdominal pain. When he told me of his symptoms (abdominal pain that woke him up at night) I didn't like the sounds of i...

Today is the 22nd of May. We're "leaving on a jet plane" in 2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. Compared to the 4+ years we have been here on the continent of Africa, that's nothing. Hardly a blip on the radar of time! No time at all and we'll be cruising on a freeway without speed bumps, grocery shopping outside the hours of 9-5, having uninterrupted power and water, with nothing ever lost in translation. No more abject poverty staring me in the face at every street corner. Not to mention being with family and friends we haven't seen in forever! Introducing our 2 1/2 year old to relatives she's never met. Meeting dear friends' toddlers we've never met. 6 months of peace from the e-mails and phone calls that run my life here in Kenya.  So why am I not jumping up and down with joy???? Why this undefined angst in the pit of my stomach? I've been mulling over these questions over the past few weeks, since the 1-month count-down began. Because ...