T-minus 2 weeks, and kind of freaking out here...again!

I was wasting time on the computer while my 3-year old is lying on the floor sobbing because she only wants "Daaaaaaadddy" who is unavailable because he's dropping the other kids off at school. Why I can't make her cocoa makes sense only in her 3-year old mind. But back to the computer...

I ran across an old post of mine with the same title, only from the other side of our Stateside! 2 weeks before we left Kenya, 'kind of freaking out'. Which is ironic, really, because it's 2 weeks before we leave the US for Kenya, and I'm back to kind of freaking out! Which suggests that perhaps I spend too much time freaking out!!!

But as I was sorting everything we own between 4 piles (pack for Kenya, pack for storage, hand-me-down to cousins, and Goodwill) and reducing my closet down to a pitiful array of a few shirts and a lot of empty hangers, I had a sudden realization...this is HARD!!!!!!

I've spent a lot of time focusing on and remembering that this is hard on the kids. They did a great job settling in here, making friends that they KNEW would be temporary. But Anya cries just a little most days lately, because she feels guilty over her mixed feelings: if she's happy to go back to Kenya, then she feels she's betraying her friends here, and if she's sad about leaving her new friends, she thinks she's betraying her old friends! Ethan hasn't reacted as much as I expected him to, but it'll come when we say good-bye to his beloved aunts, uncles, and cousins. Isaac shed a tear today when he realized today was his last day of school. Omara...we already discussed that, right? On the floor, still crying over daddy making her cocoa.

But I've forgotten how hard this is for me too! When people at the store wonder why I'm buying 15 bottles of face soap at once, they always ask if we come home every summer. And after I tell them, "No," it strikes me how amazing it is that we pack up and leave our extended families and friends for 3-4 years at a time. When I see my life reduced to trunks and suitcases and see how little it actually is considering how long we'll be gone, I'm shocked to realize that I have the skill-set necessary to go into a store and buy all the clothes for 4 kids for each size needed over a 3 year period. It's insane that I know how to do that!

I'm also dreading the little things that make life more challenging overseas. Having to do all my shopping in cash. Horrendous traffic. Remembering to filter water. Not having tortillas or cereal or bagels and cream cheese. Horrific traffic. Missing college football. No one-stop-shopping. Oh, and have I mentioned the atrocious traffic?

Don't get me wrong...we're happy to go back, we feel without a shadow of doubt that Kenya is where God wants us to be, and we're honored to be obedient. But man...knowing all that doesn't make it any less challenging to sift through the "baggage" (yes, literally AND figuratively!) as we face yet another major transition across 11 time zones and into another reality called Africa! This is hard stuff...and perhaps worthy of a little freaking out. Ohhhhh...and Omara just crawled into my lap and stopped crying. See? Nothing is insurmountable once we can get the 'freaking-out' out of our system! 


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