Good Feeling Gone!

Ethan had his 3-hour eval today, and he came out looking pretty roughed-up. I could hear most of the visit, and this psychologist didn't say anything inappropriate, but she was more of a stern teacher than a Mrs Doubtfire! He shed a few tears, begged to go home, but he eventually did everything she asked him to. But when she explained to me that we'd have to schedule a 3rd appointment to go over his results, things got weird. I don't even know how to describe it, other than she seem over-dramatic. Like she'd just spent 3 hours with a certifiably crazy kid and he was going to need some major help. All they did was math and reading and logic-type testing, so I don't know what she could have possibly see than required such drama! But she said the person he needs to see for medication management has at least a 4-month waiting period and no one else will do and I'll "understand why when we go over the results on Thursday." Several times I tried to get a little more info (like I have to leave on Sunday, so what does that mean, that he won't have an opening for 4 months) and she just kept saying over and over, almost co-conspiratorially, with wide eyes, "You'll understand on Thursday" and "I don't want to get into it now, but you'll understand on Thursday." Sigh.

I feel surprisingly disappointed to think that we could have to go home without any additional help for him, which makes me realize I was hoping that she would recommend a med which would be prescribed which would help us out. His teacher is really struggling to manage him with the other 20 kids. We're really struggling to manage homework every evening. And then I feel terrible, like I just want to drug my kid to make the afternoons run more smoothly. But then I think about him, and realize that he's also really struggling--with self-esteem and with frustration over his own lack of ability to focus. Sometimes he'll tearfully ask, "what's wrong with me? Why can't I just do this?" so I know he knows that he's struggling. And that's not good for him. So assuming she'll recommend medication management, and assuming this expert is booked for 4 months, what do I do? I could wait. I could also prescribe something in Malawi and try to manage it myself. I can do that here without any problems. But to be honest... I didn't really want to have to be both mom and provider for him! And I don't know that much about these meds, since the pediatricians managed it all where I worked in the US.

What I really wish is that Chad was here to help me talk through it. We talked about working it out for him to come too, but it's just so expensive and we've become so many! If I do have to come back to meet with some psych big-shot in 4 months, I think we'll try to both come. I really don't want to do this one solo! Please pray for us on Thursday as I hear from her what she thinks is going on, because I think I'm not going to like it much!

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