2 year anniversary
It’s April 7th. Exactly 2 years ago today we landed, jet-lagged and emotionally exhausted, in Malawi. We walked down the stairs off the plane and onto the tarmac. Anya stretched out her arms, turned in slow circles, and declared in awe, “home, sweet home, sweet home...”. At the same time, Ethan collapsed spread-eagle on the ground and wailed, “I just can’t take any more!” And Isaac took it all in stride, like there was nothing out of the ordinary happening. Now there are times I resonate with how Ethan felt that morning. But for the most part, it’s flown by with relative ease. Seriously...2 years? It hardly seems possible!
I don’t want to pretend that it’s been easy. A couple things have been particularly challenging. One is just missing family, knowing that our kids are growing up and they’re all missing it. A second thing is the sea of ‘angst’ I find myself floating in most of the time: having so much more than others, and wanting to help, but knowing that so many well-intentioned efforts to help actually do more harm. So I’m paralyzed, wanting to make a difference in the face of overwhelming needs and yet not knowing how. Then there’s the emotional stress of trying to function in another culture, where nothing comes naturally and every word and every facial expression and every idea has to be filtered first, to make sure it’s appropriate and means what I mean to mean. Just yesterday I told a man I wanted to test his blood for anemia and he burst into tears because the term “test your blood” means to check for HIV!
So the miracle isn’t that it’s been easy. It’s that, even though it’s NOT been easy, we actually look back on these past 2 years and smile, knowing that they’ve been GOOD years. We’ve grown spiritually, our family has become closer, we’ve had lots of adventures and have stories to tell, we’ve made new great new friends. I’ve even learned how to cook! So maybe the lesson is that EASY and GOOD aren’t actually related when it comes to life.
I don’t want to pretend that it’s been easy. A couple things have been particularly challenging. One is just missing family, knowing that our kids are growing up and they’re all missing it. A second thing is the sea of ‘angst’ I find myself floating in most of the time: having so much more than others, and wanting to help, but knowing that so many well-intentioned efforts to help actually do more harm. So I’m paralyzed, wanting to make a difference in the face of overwhelming needs and yet not knowing how. Then there’s the emotional stress of trying to function in another culture, where nothing comes naturally and every word and every facial expression and every idea has to be filtered first, to make sure it’s appropriate and means what I mean to mean. Just yesterday I told a man I wanted to test his blood for anemia and he burst into tears because the term “test your blood” means to check for HIV!
So the miracle isn’t that it’s been easy. It’s that, even though it’s NOT been easy, we actually look back on these past 2 years and smile, knowing that they’ve been GOOD years. We’ve grown spiritually, our family has become closer, we’ve had lots of adventures and have stories to tell, we’ve made new great new friends. I’ve even learned how to cook! So maybe the lesson is that EASY and GOOD aren’t actually related when it comes to life.
happy anniversary and glad that you are seeing God turn up for your whole family in malawi. will keep praying for you all. x
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on two years in Malawi! I loved this blog post. You captured your experience well in this post. Many other missionaries can relate as well. It was good to see you at the meeting.
ReplyDeleteblessings,
suzie